California

From the very beginning of treatment, like as soon as we pulled out of the airport parking lot, i insisted i hated L.A. I was sure i’d never live there. The traffic is unimaginable compared to Kentucky. No one has manners or a grasp of common courtesy. It was frustrating to see so many homeless people that simply weren’t being helped. It was too big, confusing (one second you’re in Venice the next Santa Monica), and it was nothing compared to my old Kentucky home.

My opinion on all those things still stands. However, i’ve been home for two months now and i can wholeheartedly say i miss California. I genuinely miss being there, i miss my girls, i miss the staff, i miss the city, the weather, the fun, and the fact that there is something interesting going on at all times.

And all i want is to be back. I want to be close enough to my girls that we can all visit occasionally without breaking the bank to do so. I want to be in a place where i can always explore. Where there are plenty of people my age. Where i feel fine being me because no one knows me and i give no shits what they think. I want to be where i can live without constant reminders of my past and family obligations and triggering spaces.

I want to be back in California, living my life my way. I dream about it frequently and every time i wake up it is a little sad to realize it was just a dream.

For now though I am stuck in Kentucky and i’m going to make the best of that. I doubt dreaming of California or longing for a reunion will go away any time soon, so i am just going to enjoy it while i can.